Key Valiant
15
Aug/080
Aug/080
Key Valiant
any comments on my poem?
Don’t Fall
please don’t fall
away from me
i need you like a car
needs keys
i treat you like a friend
but see you as a lover
i don’t know how else to say it
i will love you like no other
stand tall, stand proud
and always stand your ground
i need you girl
im lost in hope to be found
you seem so strong
so valiant and free
but i only hope
its not a scene
you trust and trust
everyone you meet
i truly hope
you wont be beat
i’ve stood beside you
all the way
but now i think
its time to say
please don’t fall
away from me
i need you so much
like you wont believe
It's perfect all the way to the last line... and then it is cliche'. Your work is far too good to use cliche's.
I hope you will rework that last line --
like you won't believe is a simile but it compares the emotions to nothing except disbelief.
Use apostrophe's as needed -- such as won't
capitalize i -- I -- unless you are e.e.cummings
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